you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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