Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Randomize
