So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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