Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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