I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
