Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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