I haven't been this sober since birth.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
