It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
