I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
