I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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