I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
