your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
