If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
