He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
