There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
