Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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