I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
