My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
