Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Help. Why am I so naked?
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