Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
