Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
