nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
