hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
