I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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