So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Someone shattered a urinal.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
