what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
