i was rollin on her like bob the builder
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
