I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I will pee on everything he values.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I FOUND THE LEGS
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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