It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
false alarm, still single
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