just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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