I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
