I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
