I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
