Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
