i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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