i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
