I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
