so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
try to milk me bitch
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