She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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