Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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