glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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