Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
