I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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