peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
we're so committed to being not committed
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
