just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Dear god my vagina.
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