can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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