I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
