So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
