Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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