I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
