nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
